President Bush and Vice President Cheney, each having concluded recent foreign tours with something of a farewell tour theme, appeared before reporters at the White House this Monday and revealed that each had returned having acquired the same wristwatch.
The president indicated that he had purchased his "from this guy at the airport" who had explained that the really expensive and high end watches manufactured by Rolex were only sold by individual "special timepiece agents" like himself.
"There's some folks say that you can't get a good deal from fellers like that," said Bush, beaming and brimming with pride, "but I tell you what—this guy gave me a great deal on one of their very best watches. You see the name brand on mine is actually spelled R-O-L-L-E-X —with two L's! Not just one like the watches regular folks get —heh, I mean regular rich folks... heh, heh. Anyway, as this feller explained, the extra L stands for extra 'luxury'!"
Bush went on to explain that, while he has yet to establish the actual price of the watch, he is certain that he has obtained the piece at a very reasonable cost. The president would not disclose an actual figure or even a range for "the current estimate," but he did say he was confident that "history would judge it to be a bargain."
Vice President Cheney said with a proud grin that he had received the exact same watch as a token of appreciation from IACI, or the International Association of Coercive Interlocutors, after giving the keynote speech at their annual meeting "at an undisclosed location" late last month.
"I know we've given these people a lot of our business over the years, but still, it was really quite touching to receive such a lovely gift," Cheney commented. "The watch is quite a remarkable piece of engineering, really. It operates on the pragmatic principle that nothing is perfect all the time. You certainly can't keep perfect time all the time. It's simply not practicable to attain that constant perfection. These watches, the president's and my own, are designed with that thought in mind —that you can't be right all the time. Our watches, it is important to note however, are flawlessly precise exactly twice a day. They achieve that really rather remarkable feat by saying the same thing all the time, no matter what time it actually is."
President Bush pointed out that a very similar approach has guided policy in Iraq for his administration. "You keep sayin' the same thing long enough and —heck—it might actually turn out—"
Rolex Corporation had no official comment on the two particular timepieces that the president and vice president are now wearing, but did announce that the company has plans to launch a new product in line with the "engineering principles" Vice President Cheney described. "The Bush/Cheney 'Pragmatist' will be inordinately expensive, only occasionally accurate, and say the same thing all the time," according to a spokesperson reached for comment on this story. The legendary Swiss manufacturer hopes to have the watch widely available before the Bush/Cheney administration leaves office. Rolex is confident that "The Rollex Bush/Cheney 'Pragmatist' will be a popular keepsake —an emblematic souvenir of the times, and an utterly useless timepiece."
Industry sources point out that Bush and Cheney both stand to profit handsomely on the licensing of "their brand" for 'The Pragmatist' with seven figure sums for both "just the starting point."
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